Well, I couldn't stand to be in the same house with my gaytard family, so I snuck out. I went to Jordyns and we just walked around for hours, picking up people until we had a small group. She understand what it's like to hate your family, so it was nice to talk to her.

We proabably walked about five miles. Maybe more. It was nice to get out.

I fell again. But really, is it any surprise anymore? I was running across the street cause a car was coming, and I fell and rolled and ripped up my jeans and slashed my knees open. I sat there laughing on the ground until I realized I was gonna get hit if I didn't move.

It stings alot, but oh well. When I walked in, no one said hi, or yelled at me for leaving. My parents saw my leg and kinda laughed at me.

They are so strange. One moment they hate me, then it's like, they love me again for a couple minuets, then they hate me again. It's so confusing.

My mom told me she was shocked I had never broken a bone.

Ima go out with Jordyn and Danny tonight at around midnight. I'll go out my window, and we're gonna walk to courtneys house. Her parents are awsome. They've let us in at three in the morning before and love us. lol. They rock.

I might go stay at courtneys. But, until I can find a place, I have to stay here. I'll be at friends houses constantly, but I'll be here. I can't go anywhere without money, and I'm skint broke.

Owww. My legs hurt.

My whole family hates me! My younger sister just yelled at me for about an hour telling me what an awful person I am and how much she hates me. My mother thinks I'm distrubing and dosn't trust me at all. My father might love a little, but you couldn't tell with his temper. He has told me to shut up so many times I don't know why I bothered to learn to talk in the first place.

I can't stand it here. I hate this house. I hate these stupid people who live here and call themselves my family. They are not! They hate me! And i hate them.

I wish I could run away. it would be so easy, but where would I go? My dad told me once that if I ran away, I shouldn't bother coming back.

My dad came in yelling at me after my sister did. He wouldn't stop. And she just sat there smirking because I was in trouble because she had been yelling.

My stupid family. I can't stay here another minuet! I want to leave. I havn't unpacked from bacation yet so I could leave whenever I wanted. I just don't know where I could go.

Ugh! They've insulted me constently! Every day, and they don't even realize it! They think it's funny. but it HURTS. Badly. I can't think straight because I've been crying for the past two hours non stop.

Please, don't send me any scriptures. I know what the bible says. I've read it and it's in my room. It dosn't help. All they are, are words on a screen.

I'm not cutting. But I need some kind of realese. I'm grounded, but I'm thinking of climbing out my window and going for a walk anyways.

I don't know what to do! I can't take it anymore. When your mother insults you wihtout her even realizing it, then laughing about it later, and your father yelling at you so much you just don't talk anymore . . . I can't take it.

What do I do? I have no idea what on earth to do!

What the heck.
Yesterday was an okay day by all accounts. Certiantly not bad. Defiantly not sad or terrible in any way.

It was a little dull, but I had some fun and met some cute guys and fell a bit. Not a bad day.
The worst thing that happened was I got a sunburn and it's really weird cause I was wearing my shirt. So I have a farmers tan or whatever you call it. Again, I tan esaily so this isn't a big deal by any means.

But last night, I have no idea why, I couldn't stop crying. And it wasn't even just crying, it was bawling. And I couldn't stop.

I don't get it. I don't understand. Maybe I am bipolar or something. And I . . . it was only once this time. That was pretty good considering . . . Well of course I felt better afterwards. And worse because I'm a stupid fucking bitch.

And I'm not sure what to do anymore. I usually would tell Schuyler or Myles, but they still think I've stopped. I havn't told them that I'm a weak little fuck and couldn't do that, not even for them.

And it hurts them. Schuyler was crying for me. And he dosn't cry. Ever.

How can I hurt him like that? Knowingly! I can't. So if it means keeping him in the dark, if that's what I have to do, I'll do it. And he won't find out. Neither will Myles. Because if they did, that would hurt them too, that I was keeping secrets.

Oh well. I guess they'll have to get used to it. Because I don't tell anyone the whole story anymore. Not even here because there are people I know in real life.

Is that wrong?

Apparently, and according to my mother, I am a distrurbing person. So me doing things that are wrong dosn't really surprise.

And some freaking random lady came up to my while I was walking the other day and said, "Well darling. You're living on the edge arn't you?" And she was toatlly accusing me of it. Like she knew! It wasn't what I was wearing. I was walking my dog so I wasn't wearing black or anything. My clothes were modest. What the heck did she mean?

I havn't been able to stop thinking about that kind of thing. Little things that people say that just hurt. And they shouldn't hurt.

But they do.

I guess I should just get used to this. Even if I have a good day, it's doomed to end up bad.

What a sad little life I have.

Owww. I'm so sore from falling so much. I don't know if cute guys are worth this much.

Anyways, I'm so glad to be home. My vaction really sucked. Alot.

I've decided that I'm getting purple extentions for the forth of july this year instead of red like last year. Purple pwns.

And on friday we are having a barbe-q or however the heck you spell that. And Schuyler and his family are comin. And the Chamberlains. Which means Madison. She's nice but I don't think she likes me much. She's a year older and thinks she's more mature than everyone. Whatever. I'll try not to hurt her. lol.

And after that we are going to a fireworks thing. Idk.

Owwww! I'm serious. I really hate that I'm so clumbsey sometimes. It's like, not normal. And it HURTS!

I've had alot of people tell me that it's good because it makes me the damsel in distress and guys love those cause they can be all macho and save me. lol. Well I tell those people that it is very distressing to be in distress all the time.

*sigh* I need to talk to someone. Maybe Schuyler. But I love him too much to really let him know how screwed up I am.

Oh! And I just found out that he's okay! My friend who we thought might have cancer for the forth time, is fine! Oh my goodness you don't know how happy I am! He's okay! Oh gracious I'm so relived! I just found out and hour ago.

I wouldn't have been able to stand it if he . . .i wouldn't know what to do. I don't think I would be able to stay sane. I mean that literally. I think I'm so emotional fragile right now that if I were forced to deal with something like that right now . . . I think I would crack.

Damn I am screwed up.


on another note, i got the mood guy to finaly change.
Oh well! Purple extentions and shiney nail polish make everything better.